Striker No Striking!

Updated below!

I can see it now. Jo Frost pulling up in her mini, knocking at my door, and shaking her large British finger in my face.

"You've got to get control here" she barks at me in her weird accent.

Okay. So it's not that bad, but as my daughter wacks and wails for a good 20 minutes, there's not much else you can think about other than that you've completely failed your child.

I happen to be a pretty decent stickler when it comes to discipline -- particularly when my child decides to hit. And of course, it's never her new sibling, father, or her fairly annoying grandparents.

It's me. Tired, sleepy, caring, weepy mom who gets the brunt.

She gets an instant time out and then starts losing privileges, and considering all that's going on in her life right now (baby, baby, baby, baby) I get her frustration and annoyance loud and clear. Or at least, my arm, hand, and face does.

Youch.

It's terribly disconcerting and while I can sort of get a chuckle about it later on, it makes life all the more difficult. And as consistent and firm as I am, it's tiring -- and part of me sees why parents give in and let things slide.

Being tough is tough.

I know it will pay off. I know it will be okay. I know she will be okay. But damn. I'm hurting here!

I've since started to read I-2-3 Magic on the recommendation of my bff (and child therapist). I'd love to do a blogging book-a-long if folks are interested. If you are, leave me a comment and I'll organize. Basically, we read a chapter a week and post on it. And guess what -- it's an incredibly easy read! I have a few other books in mind as well, including Protecting the Gift and Parenting with Love and Logic. So, let me know!

--

A few of you expressed interest in reading the book. If you are seriously wanting to do a blogging book along, then email me and I'll get it started in a few weeks.

Also, check out my post here and reply. I might win a free ticket to Blogher.

And, check out my return to radio tonight (Tuesday) -- post partum style.

Comments

[mayberry]

Great idea -- I'm interested in Protecting the Gift, and also Blessings of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel.

[Amy]

That sounds great - maybe it would actually motivate me to do the reading I keep meaning to start.
I'm impressed that you're organizing anything at this point!

[vickie]

Would love to join the discussion!

[sam]

Oh man I have been there. My son was 2.25 when my daughter was born and it was tough. One thing that helped me (out of all the useless advice/opinion I got) was this: The baby will not remember/mind/care but the toddler will. It will make or break their relationship as sibs bc of resentment that starts now. So when the baby slept I played with Ike, when baby could go in the swing, she did, I slung her while I tried as hard as I could to keep business as usual with him. I involved him in EVERYTHING (as annoying as it sometimes was) what color should baby wear today? Baby is crying, what should mommmy do??? etc.
It worked for us. That and lots of Stop-Drop and hug whenever things got hairball. Sidewalks, malls, floors, no matter. Stop it all drop down and hold them both until you get that zen. (and your milk lets down and soaks you all....hahaha

[sam]

Oh man I have been there. My son was 2.25 when my daughter was born and it was tough. One thing that helped me (out of all the useless advice/opinion I got) was this: The baby will not remember/mind/care but the toddler will. It will make or break their relationship as sibs bc of resentment that starts now. So when the baby slept I played with Ike, when baby could go in the swing, she did, I slung her while I tried as hard as I could to keep business as usual with him. I involved him in EVERYTHING (as annoying as it sometimes was) what color should baby wear today? Baby is crying, what should mommmy do??? etc.
It worked for us. That and lots of Stop-Drop and hug whenever things got hairball. Sidewalks, malls, floors, no matter. Stop it all drop down and hold them both until you get that zen. (and your milk lets down and soaks you all....hahaha

[Dee Dee]

Ooooh. I have this book sitting in my bedroom but have yet to read it. Just last night, my hubs told me to read it already after a horrible day with my 3 1/2 year old. Count me in!

[tracey]

Gulp. I feel for you. But I also feel for her. It's really tough to be a toddler and then to be a toddler with the torment of a newborm sibling? It must suck. My oldest is NINE and being as well spoken as she is, still often comments, "I really hate having a sister. She's such a pain. It's not a t all what I thought it would be." I get it alright. She can be a pain.

I am sorry that Q's way of communicating has to be flailing and beating you to a pulp. You are doing the right thing. Perhaps before it gets to "that point" try to act before she reacts with LOTS OF HUGS and in those quiet moments, you can discuss her GOOD behavior and how very proud you are of her in those moments. Good luck.
LOVE the book idea. Sounds great.

[Cara]

My 17 month old has started slapping at me when he gets frustrated sometimes. His baby sister is due in 4 weeks and I'm really anxious about how he's going to be around her. Actually, I'm more anxious about how I'm going to handle them both. But I like what the previous poster said about the baby won't remember but the toddler will. I'll have to keep that in mind.

[kara]

I had a tough time with my toddler daughter after my son was born (2 yrs and 4 mos. apart). We used the naughty spot for a minute at a time. At first it was hard because she'd keep on getting up, but eventually she got the hang of it. Now, if she is naughty I set the timer and she'll sit there until it goes off without complaining. Then of course we talk about it.

It's tough with a toddler and an infant. Just make sure she has some special time with just mommy in all the hustle and bustle. I also would take both of them everywhere. Little brother was easy and went everywhere without complaining. Of course, I live in Calif. so it's easy to get out any time of the year.

As for the book group, I'd like to give it a try.

[Esther]

Parenting with Love and Logic is my absolute favorite!!! I have their website link posted on the homepage of my blog, as I think they are so wonderful!! They CD's are nice as well to listen to in the car...

Best wishes,
Esther
www.crownedwithlaurel.blogspot.com

[Pam]

My Mom swears to this day that I made my son afraid of counting because I used the 1-2-3 method - he would cry when he got the 3 even if I was asking him to count candy - but we are past that phase now and he not only counts, but he also listens pretty well for a 3 year old with a new baby brother in the house! i have said many times that it is REALLY hard to keep this whole "consistent parenting" thing up - it feels like you can never let up for a minute, EVER. And I just LOVE when other people (in-laws, ahem) say "oh, it doesn't bother me . . ." or "just let him have fun"

[Much More Than A Mom]

I'm still waiting for my Amazon order. I hope I get it in time to participate! Shipping to Canada is so freaking slow...

[Tisha]

Well my 2 1/2 year old is going thru the tantrum phase and the hub and i are due in 7 months. I am interested in blogging. So sign me up. Help!!!!!!!

[Heather]

Whew, boy! I don't have a newborn, and I'm not expecting one...but I do have a 2 yr old daughter who has taken to slapping me quite often! I stay home, she is never spanked and is never around anyone (kids included) who hits...so where is it coming from??? Why did she just wake up one day and decide that hitting Mommy is a good way to get things done?! Like you said, she never hits anyone but me. It's been tough for me to keep my cool and stay consistent - even as she's thrashing about and screaming in time-out...but I'm trying!! It's comforting to know I'm not the only Mommy in this predicament. I wish you the best!

[Nickole Cockrell]

I spank Taliyah by popping her hand once,and if that don't work then I use a little hand paddle I bought. That one usually works.

[Sherry]

My son is 2. I use the "naughty chair" for him. So far it's worked fine. I just put a chair in the corner and make him set there for 2-3 minutes when he does something real bad.

[Melanie]

We have 2 girls ages 4 and 21 months. The 4 year old never even attempted to hit another person. Our youngest on the other hand was a biter, hitter, scratcher, you name it she did it! I can honestly say the ONLY thing that finally worked was a time out. We tried this as a last resort because I just felt she was too young (she was about 16 months when she started). It ended up being that when she would do the deed she would do the time (2 minutes in her crib with the door shut completely). I felt terrible at the time but I am so glad we did this! Within a week or so it stopped. She occasionally has a reoccurence but it is limited to when she is extremely overtired. You have to wonder why it is certain people?! She never has hit/bitten me but my husband and older daughter have the scars to prove it! Good luck! Though it is a rough phase, it will all work out! If you try the time out and it kills you to hear him/her cry (as it did me), just tell yourself that it truly is for their own success!

[Melanie]

I had to add to my above post that NO, this never had any affect on Eleana going into her crib for "ni-night" time!I knew that would be someones worry!

[laura]

i have 2 girls 2 1/2 and 9months. Out of the blew my oldest just reached over and bite my youngest HARD., on the head, the fingers and toes. we tried the room, the time time out, even biting her back, the only thing that worked was soap. it took just twice but it worked, you only need just barely a drop of soap for the flavor, but ohh boy she did not like that, the screaming is heart wrenching, but the outcome was well worth it, i had to remind myself that i am the Mommys, and in charge. Also i found that outburst came from hunger or thirst, sometimes she needs to sit alone and eat before she can be nice again. the biting has stopped, hiting is rare now, so far so good! Also, when the oldest gets a playdate, shes much nicer to her sister on that day!
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