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It's inevitable, isn't it? You know. When your kids figure out that maybe daddy will let them do what they want? Except, I sort of thought it started a little later.
But apparently, my 2 and 1/2 year old has figured out that daddy can be easily swayed and doesn't like to check in with mommy when it comes to decisions like dessert, candy, television, or bedtime. It's really quite lovely, except when I want to try to get her to do anything.
"But Daddy said I could have a piece of pizza."
Oh really? Nice.
The thing is, half the time, he didn't really say that. In fact, she totally makes it up -- which I think is even funnier.
The other day she told me her Aunt told her she could stay longer at her house.
"But Aunt Tina said I could stay the WHOLE DAY!"
Um. I don't think so, smartypants.
And so now my husband and I have to be on the same page. All. The. Time. I know that we're going to have our moments where I say something that he doesn't know about. And I know it will be hard for both of us to defer to each even when we don't agree with each others' decisions. It's way better for her to eat the candy and watch four Doras and us be united then for her to see us fight.
My solution? Save face and then let it all out when she's in bed.
Scorekeeping? YES PLEASE!
I agree, fights in front of the kids are not a great idea -- especially when you're trying to clear the air about what you said, he said -- about the child. However, I think it is good to have open discussions, calmly, in front of children. They will have times they disagree with their friends, and they need to learn how to stand up for a point they believe is right, and how to listen to the other point. Parental disagreements can offer a great place to teach those lessons.
Posted by: SusieJ | 02/26/2007 at 09:23 AM
My husband and I have resorted to eye communication. Recently, my daughter has taken up chewing on her hair. No big deal to me, but a huge deal to her father. (I think there are more important issue, like when she falls into a dramatic heap of crying for any little thing.) He is constantly on her. Instead of telling him something in front of her, I give him the eye. Always behind her back. I have discussed it with him in private, but it seems he a little hard-headed. Go figure, eh?
Sometimes things need to be addressed right then and there, but it is the way you handle it that matters. Hubs and I have had disagreements in front of the children, but we are sure not to make it seem like a fight. We, also, make sure to show resolution in the end.
It sucks always being a role model and shaping the future of a human.:)
Posted by: Wendy | 02/27/2007 at 05:15 AM
If I have a discipline disagreement with my husband, I usually just discuss it with him very calmly, in the moment, in very complex, latinate terms in the hopes it will go over the little one's head.
Of course, since my 2.5 y.o. child can now say the words "visualization" and "agitator," I give this method about three more months of usefulness . . . I suppose after that, we will just have to learn Japanese or Swahili (I'm already teaching the little guy a bit of Spanish, so no go for launch on that one).
Posted by: jaelithe | 02/27/2007 at 03:35 PM