I'm not so much for traditions. Okay. Really, it's just traditions that suck or are bizarrely stupid. Like the groom going up the bride's dress to get the garter.
Ack.
I'm not sure if that's worse or when the "winner" has to slide it up some random woman's leg (who always has a really short skirt, huge thighs, and no underpants.
NOT that I've ever seen that happen before.
Anyway, what is it about not being able to have a shower for a 2nd child? I can understand if you just had one a year ago and you have everything. But even then, why not have a nice little party? You know a "enjoy the sleep while you can because now you know how bad it sucks" party.
My mother-in-law informed me that I don't need anything because this is a 2nd child. You know, because all my stuff is in storage or sold and I had a Mississippi in July baby (read: 10,000 short sleeved white onesies). So I have everything I need for a winter baby being brought home to a house that hasn't seen a baby for many years. MANY.
Look. I don't expect to get tons of gifts from people. NOR do I want them to buy me anything. But I'd love to be able to have a little party for myself where people could just come, hang out, and celebrate the impending birth of my second child before I'm stuck at home, sitting on ice packs with a baby attached to my boob.
Pleasant picture, huh?
And hey, if they happen to buy me stuff of my registry or this really awesome moses basket, more power to them.
If you're on #2 or more, what do you think? Is having a shower tacky? What would you have instead?
I have read a lot about a second shower and consensus is that if the mother wants it and has someone who is willing to give it for you (your BFF? Maybe?) you can definitely have some type of shower for the 2nd baby. How about a "January baby born in Philly" shower to go with your July in Mississippi baby shower you had last time? If you don't want to go the actual shower route, you could just have a get together pre-baby, again maybe your bff could help you set it up. I say, go for it!
Posted by: Erin | 12/27/2006 at 07:16 AM
I was terribly disappointed when I wasn't given a shower with my second. It had been 4 years since our first, and baby products had changed SO much, plus ohidontknow he was a BOY and our first was a GIRL, so you know, no clothes for this one, but still... no shower. I agree the second isn't any LESS of a precious child than the first, so why the snub nose? You both deserve a party celebrating this new life. What is this "oh you have everything" thought process anyways? You can never have enough baby stuff (washcloths, diapers, wipes, onesies, bibs), and I had given so much of my stuff to friends with new babies, so all I had left was the basics (I had to buy a new crib and a new stroller even...sigh).
When my friend found out she was pg with a boy on her second (girl first), I let her know that since I hadn't gotten a shower, she may not get a shower, so she wouldn't be too disappointed.. nevermind she had him two days before xmas!! I just made sure to buy boy-specific gifts that I took over once they got home. Hopefully you end up with a lot of people "stopping by" after the birth, with presents.
I think that people just don't have the thrill level when you have "another" child. It's terribly unfortunate, and not fair to the child, but that is what I feel happens a lot. Oh, you had ANOTHER baby. LOL. Roll with it. Use it as an excuse, well no one ELSE bought it for me, so I had to buy it. So there. hehehe
Posted by: Amy | 12/27/2006 at 07:55 AM
I had a shower with my second baby and we had a great time. I'm with you I could have cared less about the presents (although they were nice) it was all about seeing the girlfriends before I was held up with a newborn and a three year old.
Posted by: Michelle | 12/27/2006 at 08:10 AM
If you have someone willing to do it, totally do a shower for the 2nd!
When the first baby was a different gender and born during a different time of year, it seems especially appropriate.
My friends and I call the 2nd baby shower, a baby "sprinkle." The fits and the party are smaller and more low key. It's about celebrating the birth of THIS baby--not about getting stuff.
Posted by: Kim | 12/27/2006 at 10:34 AM
my opinion is that it's not tacky at all! Car seats are only "good" for so long, as are cribs, and all that other great baby stuff. Besides, if you have two different children in two different seasons, you can't just hand down all of the old clothes, unless you want a babysicle...
I say have yourself a party and enjoy it!!
Posted by: Erin | 12/27/2006 at 10:34 AM
If BFF forever, or any friend for that matter, is reading this - throw the girl a PARTY! Seriously, if I lived close - I would throw you a party. It would be a "no in-law" party, but a party nontheless. If people have a hard time deciding what to give you, or if someone needs help with a theme - how about a necessity party, a diaper party, a time-of-day party, or a giftcard party!
Please, for the love of all things baby - know that every expecting mom needs a minute or an hour to feel special and see that other people are excited that you have a huge baby in your huge belly!
That is all.
Posted by: Tater and Tot | 12/27/2006 at 10:37 AM
I did *not* want a 2nd shower, or any presents for #2 because omg we got so much for #1 and don't need anything more, GODS!
Ahem.
However, right now, with #1 down for his nap and #2 keeping my chest toasty warm I can say with absolute certainty that, say, 1-2 months after the birth we would *love* a few nights (and/or days) of free babysitting and a night-out for dinner or a movie or sex. I love my boys so much but I miss the simplicity of one child who sleeps in his own bed, allowing me to sleep in the same bed (at the same time, even) as my husband.
Posted by: Kelly | 12/27/2006 at 11:01 AM
I like the babysitting idea -- and my bff, she's preggo with #1 and sick as a dog.
But hey -- hubs or my mom could throw me a party, darnit!
Posted by: Kristen | 12/27/2006 at 01:43 PM
A friend threw me a shower for my second, since he was a boy - we got a million sets of size 0-3 pajamas and not much else. When our 3rd was born, we were in trouble, because we'd given away a lot of stuff since we weren't going to have any more kids after 2, ahem, and we didn't have a shower for her, or for my fourth. However, people did give us gifts after both of them. I wish we didn't have this hangup about second or more showers -- you always need supplies for the baby, even if it's just diapers, and every baby is special and deserves to be celebrated in his/her own right. If nothing else, there is always a section in baby books for showers, and I have always felt bad for the kids who don't have anything in their books just because they weren't born first.
I say talk to your friends - they should be the ones throwing a shower, anyway, and go for it.
Posted by: FishyGirl | 12/27/2006 at 03:28 PM
I didn't have a "shower" per se for my second--- but it was my second boy within 2 years! AND born at the same time of year!
But--- I did have a lovely little 'sprinkle' where my mom, aunt, cousin, and sister surprised me and took me out for lunch, pedicures, and some quick shopping. They did get me a few newer things for my second boy as well. Oh, and my brother babysat my then 22 month old son. It was a very, very lovely gesture and way to welcome a second born.
So, can you send a friend or your mom a link to this post? There are tons of great ideas!
You definitely deserve a party- go for it!
Posted by: Jenni | 12/27/2006 at 07:56 PM
I totally had a shower for my second (regardless what people said) because damn it, my second deserved to be showered as much as my first. When people questioned me, I called it a celebration of the baby's coming. Screw those nay-sayers. A baby is a baby, no matter how many came before or come after and every baby (and mother) deserves to be celebrated!
Posted by: tracey | 12/27/2006 at 08:37 PM
I had a small shower for my #2 baby but it was a suprise shower thrown for my by a friend. I had no input on the planning and have not registered anywhere since we truly did have everything we needed (#2 was a boy too). I got a lot of cute outfits in newborn sizes which my 11 pound baby was too big to wear. I ended up giving a lot of it away to a friend that has smaller kids than me.
Posted by: Awesome Mom | 12/27/2006 at 11:47 PM
IMHO, there's nothing wrong with second showers, just something wrong with the people who object to them. Etiquette, shmettiquette.
If nobody will throw a shower for you, throw yourself a blessingway. Blessingways are to celebrate the life inside of you and to honor the mother for growing a miracle. There are all sorts of things you can do, that are not traditional showers, and they are all fun and inspiring. Google blessingway and you'll find a million ideas.
Posted by: Caroline | 12/28/2006 at 06:23 AM
Tell me again why you're listening to your crazy-ass MIL's opinions? My friends threw me a shower for my second and I say yours should too.
Posted by: Jill | 12/28/2006 at 11:27 AM
Since your having a boy this time and during a totally different time of year, then it's totally okay to have a shower. Actually, I think it's okay for no good reason at all. But, since you have a good reason, then have a shower! I really like the term "sprinkle"! Cute!
Posted by: Jennifer | 12/28/2006 at 02:09 PM
Why can't your bff throw you one? Just because she's pregnant with #1. Big deal, life does not stop. It's her job to do it, not your husbands.
Posted by: Wendy | 12/28/2006 at 09:33 PM
Well Wendy. She's actually very sick and she threw me the shower for #1. So, perhaps someone else could step it up this time, don't you think?
Posted by: Kristen | 12/29/2006 at 09:51 AM
i totally had a shower given by my bff. small. close-knit. mostly family. but soooo worth it!
Posted by: Sheri | 12/31/2006 at 11:49 AM
I am late to this party as I have been on vacation, and I didn't read the comments, so I might be saying what everyone else said, but here goes.
I have two kids, and my family and friends threw me showers for both kids. They were both born in the same month and state, but one was a girl and one was a boy, so you can imagine there were needs with the second. Plus, they said they just wanted to give me a party to celebrate the excitement of a new life. After all, just cause he was my second, doesn't mean he was any less of a blessing.
Also, my BFF just had her third baby a few months back, and we threw her a shower. Again...baby 3 is just as special and important as 1 & 2...
Posted by: Kris H. | 01/03/2007 at 09:53 AM
(Sorry I'm a little late to comment on this one...)
Not only is Baby important, no matter the number, but so are you! You could throw a "spa party," complete with friends doing pedicures/manicures/facials for each other and just relish time away from kids, before your on ice packs and boobs again. Also, I think your MIL is wrong -- you are having a baby of the opposite sex AND in a different part of the country at a different time of the year. Who doesn't need some new stuff when a new baby comes home? I threw a friend a shower in July for her third; one person gave her something she'll never have enough of: diapers!
Posted by: Audrey | 01/08/2007 at 04:26 PM
PS What do you say about your mom hosting a shower? My mom is refusing -- though she's offered to drive three hours out of her way to help my friends that are showering me where I now live... Selfishly, I would have liked a shower where I grew up, too (as I had when I got married).
Posted by: Audrey | 01/08/2007 at 04:28 PM
my dear girl,
I am the mother of 3 darling daughters,2 precious grandaughters
the little prince grandson and one
brand new baby-to-be!!
I am a great believer in celebrating women and any opportunity to do that should never be missed. Please do take this time to gather together those you love and that truly love you to celebrate motherhood in all of it's wonderful and not so wonderful moments. We all need to share our stories over and over again
with each other, to laugh and cry with those that can really understand why we do what we do and love it most of the time!?
so please have a party. We're all just waiting for that cute little invitation with our name on it to go shopping in our favorite baby store, get dressed up and do what we do best.... eat cake,drink punch, open presents and best of all love and support each other always.
my heartfelt congratulations and
baby blessings. shelley
Posted by: shelley | 01/11/2007 at 11:14 PM
I think a sprinkle is a nice idea. I had my babies 17 months apart and in different seasons. I never had a second shower and we had to buy two of everything.Two cribs, two highchairs, a double stroller and all new clothes. My sister in law is having a sprinkle for her second and i'm a little jealous. I felt like the second baby is definately not as exciting for others. oh she's pregnant, oh she had a baby..most of my family didn't even buy a gift for the second.
Posted by: lala | 10/18/2007 at 11:32 AM
I think all women love the experience of the mom trap.
Posted by: ergo baby carrier | 05/08/2010 at 11:33 PM