I'm Not Pregnant. I'm Just, um, Fat.

So, it's all fine and dandy until you have a friend who just doesn't know how to dress for their body. I'm rarely embarrassed by the way other people look -- save my mom who had her wet hair in a bun on top of her head the other day and I was like "take that down right now!"

But, she's my mom. And I can do that.

However, I'm not so sure how you go about telling your friend that perhaps they might consider a different approach to clothing -- you know, perhaps one that actually flatters their body and doesn't make them look pregnant.

*Lindsay emailed me asking just that. How do I politely tell my friend that her clothes are not flattering? I just think she could look so much better in something else but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

So, I've enlisted Moxie's help today. Feel free to share your own thoughts below.

Yikes! I really don't know what to say. I'm great with comebacks when people are being rude or nosy, but how can you say to a friend, "You need to dress differently because everyone thinks you're pregnant."? She probably thinks the empire (which I will always say "ahm-PEER" just because) waists are hiding her tummy and making her look slimmer, but instead they're making her look like the mom (or grandma, or grandpa) on Caillou and exacerbating her problem.

Maybe you can trick her into getting the message. DVR a bunch of episodes of "What Not To Wear" and have her come over for a night of watching the eps and drinking wine. After hearing Stacy and Clinton and Trinny and Susannah tell people to wear defined waists to create the illusion of a defined waist, maybe she'll get it. Or maybe she'll get so drunk you can tell her straight out and she won't remember it the next day, but she'll just have this vague urge to go buy jackets that cut in at the waist.

So what do you think? I've always thought of buying them something else might be a good way to do it, although it depends on how much of a friend she is. That's what I do with my mom who has a penchant for wearing my handmedowns from 1992. I just buy her a new outfit and hope she gets the hint.

Any thoughts? Let me know in the comments. Help Lindsay out. And stay tuned for more exciting Moxie answers next week. Thanks to all of you who emailed me your questions. Apparently, I am NOT the only one.

PHEW!

Comments

[Kelly]

It's possible she has really low self-esteem and is trying to "hide" her weight. I had that problem when I was younger and ended up making myself just look heavier than I was. Once my esteem went up I started doing daring things like wearing form-fitting clothes and was shocked to see how much slimmer I looked.

[Damselfly]

That's what I would do -- wait for a gift-giving opportunity and buy her something new that's more flattering. You also might give her fashion magazines when you're done with them. But in the end, if someone's style is dowdy and they actually prefer that, I don't think you can change her.

[Christina]

If I was in that situation, I might suggest going out shopping one day, and be sure to hit a good clothing store. Try on something yourself, and if you see an outfit she'd look good in, try to get her to try on clothes with you. Then compliment her up and down on how good she looks in the outfit you suggested. The self-esteem boost is always nice, plus it may give her a new direction to go with her fashion.

Before baby, I used to go out clothes shopping with my friends all the time. It was so much fun to suggest outfits for each other and see if we made good choices.

[Susanne]

I'd recommend going shopping together too. Doing dares and trying on things you'd never consider otherwise. And sometimes I do tell people stories like, "You know, and then I always tried to hide under these big sweaters, but it didn't work and nowadays I'm wearing these and they look so much better." (But that only works if they indeed do look better.)

[kelly]

Take her shopping, perhaps to a store you've scoped out ahead of time and KNOW has stuff that would be flattering. You don't actually have to tell her that what she's currently wearing doesn't work-- just be really positive about what DOES work. Be specific about why it flatters her. Or, get a What Not To Wear type book (perhaps from your library?) and casually page through it next time she comes over for coffee, wine, whatever. Do your body type first and then read hers aloud. Whatever you do, keep it friendly and light-- a makeover is more fun than an intervention!