The Art of Lying

Apparently my husband has yet to realize that we have a 2-year-old. You know, a little old lady with 10,000 opinions stuck in the body of a tiny toddler. And he has yet to learn how to deal with our little senior citizen the way most parents do.

YOU LIE.

I don't mean BIG HUGE LIES. But I mean ones that get her to eat her food, not swallow your ice cream sandwich, and throw as few tantrums as possible.

Take for example when he's feeding her. She's fairly picky - somedays she'll eat chicken. The next day, she'll spit it out. But YOU NEVER TELL HER IT'S CHICKEN. You just tell her it's food or bites or dinner, unlike the husband whom when saying it's chicken really says, "eat this chewy piece of meat that your mother heated up too much and is now like rubber."

Right. Like she's going to eat that.

But covered in baked bean sauce and told that it's beans she will. So long as the word "chicken" does not leave your lips.

Or when he goes out to meet up with friends while I'm putting her to bed, instead of just saying "good night" he says "Bye, see you in a few hours." Um. HELLO. Not necessary for mommy to have to deal with screaming toddler. Just say GOOD NIGHT. And then go.

Tonight I had to intervene because he decided to tell her that he needed to go take medicine. And when you say you need something, then she needs it to. (DUH?) And as he went to prepare to give her one drop of Dimetapp in a large cup of water (the honest man that he is), I ran in and said "How about giving her a spoonful of juice?"

And so, she thought it was the best tasting medicine ever and we didn't have to deal with any tantrums.

Hopefully he'll catch on soon. Otherwise, anytime he goes anywhere, I'm going to tell her he's going to get ice cream.

That should teach him.

Comments

[Sarah]

Men.....We were in Home Depot and there was a bird that had gotten into their garden section. The bird was flying around in the rafters and my kids were having a great time watching it while my husband and I looked for plants. BAM! Bird hits a wall and fell to the ground dead. I told my kids (3&4) that Home Depot had a bird vet and he would come and give the bird some medicine and he would be just fine.....Husband, "Don't lie to the kids the birds dead that is what happens when a bird hits a wall it dies."

Look of horror on my kids face, I whisper to them, "Dad doesn't know about the bird vet here the bird will be just fine."

What the heck! Lie dude, you seem to have no problem lying to me!

Thanks for the rant.

Love your blog!

[krista]

We tell our 5 year old that peas are really giant seeds. We have this whole story that goes along with it about how people were all afraid to eat the giant seeds in case a tree grew in them, and one day a brave person ate the giant seeds, and from that day forward people have been eating the giant seeds (peas).

The lengths we go to. Totally absurd.

[Janet]

Jeez. It's funny isn't it? I really think they are missing an "avoid truth" gene when it comes to toddlers. I'm surprised you haven't talked about temper tantrums from the grown men...Or have you and I missed it?...You must've. They all throw tantrums don't they? Or is it just mine? Please say it's not just mine.

[morethanamom]

Ha! I can't wait until we get to lie to our child. It sounds like a lot of fun and we're pretty creative!

[fidget]

When will men learn? It's all about spin! My 4 yr old will not sleep with her bedroom door shut but the light will keep her up if the door is all the way open. As you leave you have to say I'm leaving the door open thiiiiiiiis much. What does my oblivious husband say? "I'm closing teh door to here" then we get the NO NO NO!! DONT SHUT MY DOOOOOOOOOOOOR howls and sobs that go on for hours arghh!

[sunshine Scribe]

That'll teach him. My husband is clueless about the lying thing. CLUELESS. And some how I am the one to always pay the price. But your ice cream idea is brilliant ... I am stealing it and using it tonight!

[mothergoosemouse]

He spent four years in a place where you absolutely positively cannot lie about ANYTHING. It's no wonder he's so literal, even with a toddler.

Kyle does the same thing. And I react much the same way you do - um, HELLO. Just because she's asking doesn't mean you have to give it up.

[Kristen]

Ha. Julie. You know him well, I see :)

Yes, he's very honest. PAINFULLY HONEST.

[mayberry]

Hey, thanks for the link.

My kid went through a thing where she wouldn't eat "dinner." Tell her it's a snack, she'd dig right in. But god forbid the word "dinner" was uttered!

[jenn]

Kristen, isn't he in the military? Maybe he should refamiliarize himself with the concept of information on a need-to-know basis?

[mamatulip]

EVERYTHING in this house is chicken. Everything. Pork, steak, fish...it's all chicken.

[Kris H.]

Now, Hubby is really good at lying when it comes to food.. Daughter and Son are both really picky eaters, but they are also pretty sick individuals (as most kids are). So, when they come in and ask what is for dinner, Hubby often replies along these lines..."Oh, tonight we are having intestines covered with slime with a side of poison ivy" (Translation: Pesto Pasta with Caesar Salad). It gets the kids giggling every time and often they forget to question any further and just eat what we are serving.

[Kristen]

Jenn ~

That's politicians...

My boy was a USAFA grad - there's NO secrets there.

:)

[Melissa]

I am cracking up....we tell Nata everything is chicken. Tell her beef or fish and she spits it out, but she loves her some chicken.

[petite mommy]

After two kids my hubs has finally gotten it. :) Theres hope :)

[selzach]

We don't eat chicken at our house, either. They are nuggets. Amazingly, Peanut will open up for "vitamins" (liquid iron which really isn't all that nasty tasting). Say "medicine" and forget it.